The Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020 becomes the new divorce law in England and Wales from 6 April 2022. It is the most significant reform in divorce legislation in the last 50 years. In addition to implementing a new divorce process, this new legislation removes the ability to make allegations of blame, hence being called the “no-fault” divorce law. For the first time, it allows couples to end their marriage jointly by submitting a joint application. The possibility of contesting the divorce, other than for legal reasons, has also been removed.

Most divorce experts believe that the new no-fault divorce will lead to more amicable divorces. I agree that it is a step in the right direction. The removal of fault is likely to translate into a less acrimonious start to the process. It can be the pathway to setting the right tone from the very beginning to incentivise a friendly resolution. However, is this enough for couples to achieve an amicable divorce?

Before answering this question, I would like to explore the factors that push couples to fight in a divorce.

SO, WHAT ARE THE LEADING CAUSES OF CONFLICT IN A DIVORCE?

TOXIC OR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

Divorce can be a stressful process where negative emotions like anger, revenge, resentment… can flourish. Where these exist and are not kept under control, there is likely to be hostility and a drawn-out process.

These negative emotions can manifest in different ways:

a desire to punish by blaming or attacking the other spouse’s behaviour
overreacting to situations or comments
inability to take responsibility and being defensive about their own behaviour
remaining stuck and portraying themselves as a victim
making threats
being impulsive
involving the children in the divorce

Woman experiencing negative emotions anger revenge resentment due to hostility and conflict in divorce process

LACK OF CLARITY/INFORMATION

Conflict can arise when the couple has different or insufficient information or disagrees on what is relevant.

LACK OF TRUST

Depending on the circumstances of the breakdown of the marriage, one spouse may distrust the other and believe that the other’s actions are motivated by revenge or an intent to harm the other. This is common when one of the spouses has committed adultery, and the other feels like a victim of betrayal. It is unlikely there will be a cordial resolution whilst this feeling persists.

COMMUNICATION ISSUES

Poor or lack of communication is, in fact, a cause of many divorces. A couple’s inability to effectively communicate can also be a cause of conflict during the process.

ENCOURAGEMENT TO LITIGATE

Some lawyers fail to manage clients’ expectations by taking an unreasonable or disproportionate approach. They may even engage in confrontational practices like sending highly inflammatory and aggressive letters, which can encourage conflict and lead to litigation.

HIGH CONFLICT PERSONALITIES

Whether we consider abusive relationships or personality disorders (like narcissism), the chances of a complex and costly divorce are high.

Although the abuser can no longer delay the divorce under the new divorce law because the ability to contest the divorce has been removed, there are still ways the abuser can fulfil their need to control and make the process difficult. For example, restricting the other spouse’s access to funds to meet living costs and legal fees, using the children, stalling and delaying,…

Separating couple in conflict lacking trust and having communication issues in divorce

I am a massive ambassador for amicable resolutions. However, I do not consider the no-fault divorce law enough to minimise these causes of conflict.

The new divorce legislation only deals with the dissolution of the marriage. There have been no changes to the law governing financial provision and children matters, which are handled in separate legal proceedings. Couples will still need to sort out the financial and children arrangements, which is what they are most worried about and where most of the conflict usually lies.

There is no doubt that the no-fault divorce will provide a more positive start to the process with the ending of the blame game. However, if couples are keen to reach an amicable resolution, they will still need to take further action to reduce conflict and avoid litigation.

SO, WHAT STEPS SHOULD A COUPLE TAKE TOWARDS AN AMICABLE DIVORCE?

Here are some recommendations.

INVEST IN EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL HEALTH

When experiencing a separation or divorce, different intense emotions and thoughts can be at play. It is essential to learn to manage and control those emotions and thoughts, especially when negative or toxic.

Taking control of emotions will help to proceed from a place of calm, clarity and rationality so that smart decisions can be made. Otherwise, the person’s judgement may be clouded, making decisions they will later regret. They may spend energy fighting for things that they don’t actually want or need, which may prolong the process unnecessarily, and ultimately risk increasing the financial and emotional costs.

My recommendation is that specialist support is sought from a divorce coach or a therapist to work through the emotional turmoil of divorce. Allowing time to grieve, learning to cope, practising self-care and having the right mindset are critical to a smoother journey and a less adversarial outcome.

HAVE THE RIGHT SUPPORT

Choose a divorce support team that supports a constructive resolution and considers the whole family's needs, putting the children’s best interests at the centre.

GET EDUCATED

Before starting the legal process, it is beneficial to understand what is involved in the actual process and the options available. Gaining this knowledge will offer clarity and confidence and assist in making an informed decision, finding the right approach and the best solutions, and planning and preparing for the process.

Some people build expectations of what they would like to keep or receive as a financial settlement without being reasonable or realistic. It won't be easy to reach an agreement in such a scenario. My recommendation is that advice is sought from a divorce professional on what would be fair in the specific circumstances of the case to get the necessary clarity and on what alternative dispute resolution methods are available before proceeding with court litigation.

FOCUS ON THE FUTURE

To achieve an amicable resolution, the focus needs to be on the solution, not the problem. Being stuck in the past will halt any progress.

My recommendation is to concentrate on what is important in the long term and visualise the positive new beginning to get unstuck and motivated to move on.

IMPROVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Learning and practising better communication skills can help with negotiations and reaching a resolution.

If communication is complex, I recommend using alternative resolution methods like mediation.

DEALING WITH A HIGH-CONFLICT PERSONALITY

When dealing with a high-conflict personality, conflict is inevitable. However, there are ways to ensure that the conflict does not escalate. The main one is controlling how to react and respond to that person. Knowing how to interact and establishing healthy boundaries will make the experience better for the victim.

There are many experts nowadays in high-conflict behaviour that can help, so I recommend getting educated about high-conflict personalities and gaining the necessary knowledge on how to best deal with that person.

Dealing with high conflict personality in divorce

Most divorces involve tensions and a certain amount of conflict. These steps should help manage and minimise conflict, reduce the overall costs, and positively impact how the case might unfold.

Until further reform to the law governing financial provision and children matters, relying on the no-fault divorce is unlikely enough to achieve an amicable divorce. And I should add that how a case proceeds is not just about the law but also the couple’s actions. The couple has to put in the work to end the marriage positively.

Now that you know what causes conflict in a divorce and how to reduce it, you have options in deciding how to navigate the process and having a better divorce experience. Divorce is a big life transition, and there isn’t a unique way to handle it. However, your approach will influence the emotional and financial cost for you and your family and will have an impact on the outcome of the divorce and your future.

If you have any questions about your divorce or separation, please contact me at julia@juliamoreno.co.uk. I look forward to being able to help.

Will the new "no-fault" divorce law lead to more amicable divorces?